How To.Respond.To A Daughter Who Is Fired From Their Job Words Have no Meaning Until You Give it to Them

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Words Have no Meaning Until You Give it to Them

You hear the word “alcoholism” and react without emotion as you say it’s a disease that can have sad side effects. Your friend reacts passionately whenever the topic is discussed.

Share strong and definitive opinions when discussing wage inequalities for women. Your friend dispassionately agrees that he’s out of luck.

Words have no meaning. They are the symbols that the sender uses to express thoughts, beliefs and ideas and the intonation is influenced by his background, values, experiences, behavioral style and knowledge. The receiver uses the same criteria to interpret the words. That’s why the sender doesn’t always get the expected response or the same response from two people.

This is one of the principles of communication that makes the process more difficult at work and at home.

In the first example, your friend still vividly remembers how his alcoholic father left when he was eight years old. She also recalls how his mother worked two jobs to pay the rent on their small apartment and how his sister was the only one home with him most of the time. You, on the other hand, have never personally experienced the disease with family or friends.

As a woman, however, you have personally experienced wage inequality and now you see your daughter still experiencing the same thing. She makes you angry! Your friend is a well-paid single lawyer and his sister lives a comfortable life as a mother and housewife. Her mother worked as a cleaner and in a restaurant, so she thinks she was paid fairly for what she did. You’ve never given much thought to gender-equitable wages.

As these examples show, different people can react emotionally or intellectually to the same words. Sometimes, as a sender, you try to get people to respond more intellectually or more emotionally depending on your purpose of communicating. What catches you off guard is when you think you’ve chosen your words carefully and your audience of one or a hundred reacts differently.

The sender and receiver are equally responsible for trying to make the communication process work. Here are some tips to help you in both roles.

Tips for the sender

Purposefully avoid discriminatory language in the arenas of gender, race, religion and age.

· Listen carefully with your ears and eyes. He becomes an astute student of body language and notices furrowed eyebrows, crossed arms or legs, and other signs that you may have upset the other person or people

· If you are giving a presentation to an association or company, do your research! Ask if there are any taboo topics or words.

Tips for the receiver,

· If possible, immediately clear the air if one or more words concern you. If you harbor anger, resentment, pain, or confusion, it will overshadow the rest of the interaction and possibly future ones as well.

o During one of my DiSC-based communication workshops, I divided the participants into groups and asked them to list the good qualities of other behavioral styles. One of the groups used the word “robotic” in what they thought was a flattering way. The people who were described found the word unfavourable. Working together, they came up with “structured,” which they all liked.

o In another lab exercise that asked participants to think of words they commonly use that might be perceived differently than they intended, a man told the following story. He’s a computer instructor and said he started a class by saying, “Today you’re going to get the bible of all computer education.” One of the participants of him immediately said: “I know only one Bible, and he does not deal with computers.” The man admitted he was shaken and today he is much more careful in his choice of words.

· Keep your personal filter clean.

o List your biases and work on overcoming them. Ask yourself if they’re based on race, gender, religion, age, status, education, or anything else.

o Form your opinion right now. Don’t prejudge situations, presenters, your peers or parents or children’s reactions, a book before you’ve read it or the taste of food before you’ve eaten it.

o Be proactive. Read books and magazines, attend seminars, listen to CDs, watch selected TV programs to help you grow personally and professionally.

· Listen carefully to everything the other person has to say even when you may disagree.

· Wait to speak until the other person has finished.

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