How To.Respond.To A Daughter Who Is Fired From Their Job Are Single Black Women Too Independent?

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Are Single Black Women Too Independent?

Too confident, too eager to voice their opinion (and yours), too unwilling to listen and be submissive? Are today’s black women even able to “follow” a strong black man? For all my single brothers out there who have asked me these questions many times, this article is for you.

First, let’s tackle the first question: Are single Black women too independent? My answer to this might surprise you: I think, in many ways, women of color are too independent, but with good reason. To understand this dichotomy, you need to understand something about most single Black women. Most single Black women have a history of supporting themselves, holding down a job (or two), possibly raising children, attending school, taking care of household bills (probably having a home of their own), and helping with other household responsibilities involving parents. parents, grandparents and siblings.

In many cases they have handled these responsibilities without a strong or consistent male influence in their lives. Through miscommunication, death, neglect, or abuse, many father-daughter, sister-brother, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships have gone astray, often leaving women to form a support network with each other to get things done, bring order to their lives and accomplish those tasks that were once more evenly divided between the two sexes.

This has caused something of an epidemic in the single black community. Black women learned that they had to rely on themselves to get things done, and they began to do so with increasing success. As a result, Black women learned that they didn’t really “need” Black men the way they thought they did — for companionship, for leadership, or for money and support. They learned to work and earn money for themselves, raise children on their own, pay bills and get their own education, but these lessons came at a cost. And that cost was the sacrifice of a healthy relationship with their future spouses, boyfriends, or lovers. So, yes, Black women are too independent sometimes, but only because they were meant to be. To survive, for their children to survive, and for their lives to work.

So are single Black women too confident, too eager to speak their mind, reluctant to listen, or submissive? Again the answer is: sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes they are, because single black women are usually confident enough, confident enough, and confident enough in who they are, especially once they reach a certain age. And sometimes I have because I’ve seen a sister snap at a brother for virtually no reason, just to establish her dominance or control. And I’ve known many good men who were ‘hounded’ by her woman because she wouldn’t stand up to her. But sometimes not because most single black women are just waiting to meet a man strong enough to face them in the fullness of their character. A man who can admire her strength while adding her strength. A man who isn’t intimidated by a woman who has an opinion as valid as hers. And this single black woman can and will gladly listen to this man because she appreciates and listens to her.

But it has to be a relationship between equals. Equal respect, equal power, and equal say. Because Black women are often so strong, they can often get in the way of developing and growing a good relationship. Just like no man wants to be told how to live his life, neither do most women. Strength plus strength should be a powerful combination, but too often strength in women and strength in men becomes a power struggle and then a wedge driving them apart.

And finally, are single black women even capable of “following” a good man? Sure, as long as their definitions of “follow” are the same. ‘Following’ does not mean ‘blindly obeying in the absence of common sense’. “Follow” means following your husband as the church “follows” Christ (note I say “husband” and not “boyfriends” — these same rights do not apply to boyfriend-girlfriend relationships). True marriage between a man and a woman should reflect Christ’s love for the church. In the Bible, a woman is asked to respect and submit to her husband, but a husband is asked to lay down his life for his wife. Most men and women, husbands and wives, don’t have that kind of relationship. Most relationships are a reflection of ‘what’s in it for me?’ and when that runs out, the relationship runs out too. A successful relationship can occur between a single Black man and a single Black woman when true respect and love are grounded in a committed relationship leading to marriage.

So, are single black women too independent? Sometimes yes and sometimes no, but relationships between men and women of color can still work. With a little compromise on both sides, a clear understanding of what a divine, Bible-based relationship is, and with a love that lasts longer than having the final say, independence can become interdependence (being independent but dependent on each other and on God) and the too independent black woman will be no more!

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