How.To.Have A Job Ready For When.I Move To College What About Those Dismal ‘Pregnancy Over 40’ Statistics? I Was 44 When I Had My Beautiful Daughter

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What About Those Dismal ‘Pregnancy Over 40’ Statistics? I Was 44 When I Had My Beautiful Daughter

OK, I know you’ve heard it all before, the pregnancy statistics over 40 are abysmal. As far as I’m concerned, statistics are for statisticians. What about the fact that the number of unwanted pregnancies in women aged 40-44 is second only to that of teenage girls? Many women in their 40s think they are too old to get pregnant, they get a little lax with birth control and bingo!

I’d venture to guess that most women over 40 aren’t trying to get pregnant (and many have undergone spaying procedures). I wonder what would happen to those statistics if all women over 40 tried get pregnant. I think we would all be surprised. Our society and media are so “age-obsessed” that women start believing their life is over by age 40 (heck, it’s more like 35 now). The message is that you’ll need plastic surgery, be replaced by a trophy wife, have trouble finding employment, and your chances of having a baby are less than your chances of winning the lottery.

As for me, I won the lottery, but it wasn’t luck. I was 44 when I had my daughter who, in my totally unbiased opinion, is perfect. I had a normal pregnancy and delivery and conceived without fertility treatments. Yes, I’m the oldest mom on the playground, but so far no one has asked me if I’m her grandmother. In fact, I have been asked more than once: “Do you have another one?” I’m in the best shape of my life, and even though my very active daughter tires me from time to time, I’m doing just fine. In fact, I remember babysitting my niece and nephew in my 20s — it wasn’t easier then.

Being an “elderly” mom is such a blessing. I’m wiser, more patient, and totally adept at coping with the trials and tribulations of a two-year-old. I have no hidden plans for my daughter. Since I’ve already accomplished everything I wanted to do with my life, I’m not trying to live my dreams through her. It’s her life, and I’m behind her no matter what path she takes. The comment I hear most often is: “she IS such a happy little girl”.

I have to admit that I have had an interesting journey into parenthood. My childhood was far from perfect. I grew up with parents who were totally maladjusted, leaving me with a negative impression of marriage and family. As a result, I waited until I was almost 37 to get married and didn’t even start trying to get pregnant until I was almost 38. After a year of trying on our own, we underwent fertility treatments. I spent over two years trying drugs, inseminations and IVF twice. The medications and inseminations didn’t work at all and the IVF ended up in a miscarriage and removal of my left fallopian tube. I was disillusioned with the assembly line practice of my fertility clinic and the amount of drugs and hormones I was pumping into my system was totally inconsistent with my “all natural” lifestyle and personal philosophy. I informed my doctor that I was transitioning to “childfree”.

At this point I was over 40 and, as if to spur me on, no matter where I went or who I spoke to, I heard yet another story of a woman giving birth in her 40s. I met a woman at my niece’s graduation party who delivered triplets at age 45 (with no fertility treatment), a tenant at our rental property suddenly tells me she delivered her child at the age of 45. The local radio personality said her mother had him at age 48 (before the days of fertility treatments). I was in line at the ski lift and some teenagers behind us were laughing that their mum was going to have another baby at the age of 43. last child. I couldn’t help it!

I realized that I wasn’t ready to give up on being pregnant, but I absolutely didn’t want to go through fertility treatments. I started researching natural ways to improve fertility. I quit a high-stress job, started a whole new way of eating, and went back and dealt with all the unresolved issues I had with my parents and my less-than-perfect upbringing. I’ve also researched natural ways to balance hormones, increase pelvic circulation, and changed my “pregnancy mindset” through visualization and meditation.

I was shocked when I got pregnant naturally a few months after completing my fertility treatments. Unfortunately, I was miscarrying when I realized I was pregnant. Even though my miscarriage was heartbreaking, I was thrilled to finally know that I could get pregnant on my own. Now, more motivated than ever, I continued to research natural ways to improve my fertility and kept adding things to my “getting pregnant” protocol.

Long story short, I got pregnant two more times, but miscarried both times. Why was this happening? I had fetal tissue examined after a D&C, and wouldn’t you know it, my baby was chromosomally normal. So much for the well-meaning condolences, “Probably something was wrong, it was a blessing.” I kept trying to get pregnant, even though I was now 43. I could feel my baby hovering over me. I needed to give her life. But, when I was 43 years and 11 months old, I almost gave up. I thought maybe my “internal barometer” was broken. I was so sure I was going to have a baby, but here I am, almost 44, and still childless. My little girl was out there but I couldn’t reach her. I reluctantly decided that she was truly time to switch to childfree and move on with my life.

Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I was a little upset that I finally made the firm decision to transition into childfree pregnancy, and here I was, pregnant again! I guess the preparation finally met the opportunity (I think I was the healthiest human on the planet at that point). I was cautious but still excited. We agreed not to tell anyone or see a doctor until he was a “normal” person. I didn’t want a shot-by-shot account of my hCG numbers or a depressing talk about the risks of pregnancy at my age. When I finally saw my doctor (one who was pretty negative about women in their 40s getting pregnant), he was bouncing off the walls with excitement! My ultrasound looked great! This would make it.

The moral of my story is “trust your instincts”. If you know in your heart of hearts that you can do something, you probably can. I’m sure many doctors would use my story as an example of how difficult it is to have a child over 40. But fertility treatments were probably the most damaging factor that worked against me. There is a higher incidence of tubal pregnancies with IVF, and I’m sure all those drug and hormone injections have further upset the delicate balance of my reproductive system. Had I started my “all natural” pregnancy protocol sooner, I would have saved myself years of frustration, $25,000 in fertility treatments, and gotten both fallopian tubes essentially doubling my chances of getting pregnant naturally. I partly blame those stats above. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read that if you’re in your 30s or 40s you should “run not walk” to the nearest fertility clinic because time is running out!

The bottom line is that I have overcome all of my challenges and succeeded naturally at the age of 44. So, for all you statisticians out there, I’d like to ask, “What are the odds of that happening?”

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