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What Does It Mean When A Husband Says He Needs Time Apart To Think?
I sometimes hear from wives whose husbands left them “because he needs some time to think.” That’s pretty much the extent of what he tells them and he rarely goes a little deeper and offers an explanation as to what “thinking” really means. Wives are often dissatisfied with his lack of any logical explanation.
I recently overheard a wife ask me, “What the hell does my husband have to think about? He told me last week that he’s moving away for a while because he needs ‘time to think.'” This is pretty ridiculous to me. I told him he could think in any room of our house without me disturbing him, so why on earth would he spend money living in a hotel just to use his brain to think? thoughts and issues for him to think through, but I was told I “just wouldn’t get it.” Well, he’s right about that. I don’t understand. If there were things I needed to fix, I wouldn’t leave my wife to do it. I feel like she is feeding me a lot of junk. What do men do? you mean when they tell you they need time to ‘think?’ Is that just a nice way of saying they want out of the marriage?” I will try to answer these questions in the following article.
When a husband tells you he needs time to think, he often thinks about your marriage and what he wants out of his life for the future: Most of the time when husbands give you the phrase “time to think,” they’re grappling with whether or not they’re happy with their life and marriage. If they needed to think about a topic that doesn’t include you or your marriage, then they wouldn’t need to distance themselves from you to think about it.
So they often suspect (or hope) that being away from you for a while will give them both the literal and emotional distance to reach a conclusion without any influence from you. I’ve heard from many men in this scenario, and if they’re being honest, they’ll often tell you that they’re on a path in their life that they’re no longer entirely sure of. Sometimes they wonder how they could be happier or more accomplished and aren’t sure what it will take to keep them going.
And it’s probably no coincidence that this often happens in middle age or when men have a problem or event that makes them wonder if they’re reaching their potential for happiness in life. You’ll often hear them say things like “is that all there is?” Or “I’m not sure I’m leading the life I should have led.” To be fair, their unhappiness or questions about their life are often not your fault. Sometimes, their problems and struggles don’t even have much to do with you. Some men are reflecting on their personal achievements or career path. Others are grappling with family relationships (or relationships with other people who are very close to them). Thus, it is not always correct to assume that a man who wants “time” will suddenly file for divorce or separation when he returns.
Some men come back ready to improve their lives and relationships and others come to believe that their relationships are the problem. How you end up proceeding is often at least somewhat dictated by the conclusions your husband arrives at after having heavy thoughts of him.
How to react when your husband asks for “time to think”: How you choose to respond to your husband’s request and how you choose to act while he is away really depends on what you want the outcome to be. Once the wife in the above scenario calmed down, she realized that she didn’t want to alienate or be overly critical of her husband. He had always been supportive of her and so she decided that even though she felt all the thoughtful talks were a little too dramatic, there was no reason she couldn’t offer him the support and time she asked for.
Because she wanted to not only save her marriage but make it as strong as possible, she decided to do her soul searching and think while he was away. I was so happy to hear this. One thing that many people don’t realize is that anything you can do to strengthen yourself on an individual basis will also strengthen and improve your marriage most of the time. You have a much better chance of success if you have two happy, wholesome people coming to the table rather than one or both people dealing with their own personal struggles, projections, or fears.
So, to answer the questions posed, men often ask for time to think when they are faced with a crossroads in their lives and grappling with their own personal happiness. They often seek answers about what is causing their unhappiness and what they can do to fix it. If you love the man who wants “time” and you want him to be happy, your best bet is to offer both your support and the time he’s asked for. Because at the end of the day, you want him to realize that you are part of the solution rather than the problem.
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